Jokes for kids (and clean enough for Granny!)


Send us your favourite joke(s) (together with your name and age) to and, if it's funny enough to make Tina in accounts giggle, we'll add it to this page (plus we'll send you a code for 10% off your next order!).

What's one good thing about Switzerland?

Don't know, but the flag's a big plus!

Theo (aged 7)


What do lawyers wear in court?


Annabelle (aged 8)


What happens if you eat bad seafood?

You feel a little eel?

Leo (aged 7)


What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

Anna (aged 7 and Mummy)


How do you find a princess?

You follow the foot prince!

Hannah (aged 6)


Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

So he could draw the curtains!

Barnaby in production (old and getting older!)

(The rest of the team aren't sure about this one)


Why did Adele cross the road?

To sing "Hello fron the Other Side."

Harvey (aged 10)

How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles.

Robby (aged 8)

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red Paint.

Isla (aged 5) & Mummy (aged, rather not say!)


My sensitive toothpaste gets really jealous when I use other toothpastes. 

Jeremy in production (old!)

What do you call a pig that can do karate?

A pork chop.

Harry (aged 4)


What did they give the inventor of the door knocker?

A No-bell prize.

Rob in despatch (not prepared to give age!)


What did the policeman say to his tummy?

Your under a vest!

Ollie (aged 6)


Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Arthur (aged 7) 

What do you call a fairy who doesn't wash?

Stinker Bell!

Holly (aged 5)


What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.

William (aged 7)


Why don't crabs ever share their food?

Because they're sellfish.

Toby (aged 9)


What did the man say whilst he was reversing his car?

Ah, this takes me back!

Barnaby (aged 45) 



What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block!

Adult Zoo Book


Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

(Fin, aged 5)



So much for Taylor Swift. She sent back my trousers unmended!

Milton Jones


Why was the broom late?

It over swept! (Eric, aged 6)

Only Fools and Horses


Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9. (Zach, aged 7)

Numbers Book

7, 8, 9 illustrations from our Numbers Book


Went to my allotment and found there was twice as much soil as there was the week before.

The plot thickens. (Darren Walsh) 

No.6 Carrots

Number 6 illustration from our Numbers Book


Thank you to tennis mad Alfie (7) and his mum for sending us this one:

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

About tennish!

Night night Andy!

Image courtesy of 


What flies and wobbles?

A jellycopter!

Ha, ha, ha...


That reminds me of another joke:

What goes ha, ha bonk?

A man laughing his head off!